DOMINUS PARS HÆREDITATIS MEÆ

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You caused me to be hurt….

You have all heard this from other bloggers on Tumblr. They then demand an apology as proof that you are not a cruel and unfeeling blogger. Here is what someone addressed to me:

I sincerely hope you one day regret and apologize for the harm you’ve caused to our community.  As of right now, dialogue with you is impossible because you refuse to acknowledge that you have said anything harmful, and instead want to attack me on a personal level for daring to point it out, instead of engage in a thoughtful conversation. You triggered me. You hurt me personally. Not once yet have you apologized.

Hoping that people have regrets is an unrealistic and unhealthy imposition of your vision on someone else. And presuming to speak for an entire community’s feelings is called psychological projection. In order to have your point of view carry weight, you use the “see all the people you have harmed” fallacy. You cannot become the all-seeing eye of God and follow each person and know what long-lasting harm they have or don’t have, 

But the curious words are at the end. "You triggered me. You hurt me personally." What is wrong with this mentally and emotionally?

Being “triggered” is a common event of life that cannot be controlled. So it is an illusion that we can go through life and not suffer triggers. Even more so, a trigger is a momentary reaction that takes you by surprise.

However, in the next few minutes, whether you stay angry, hurt, frustrated, or disappointed is based not on “the trigger” or even the person you think is a trigger, but rather based on whether you avail yourself of the many options and coping mechanisms that exist. A mature person tries to cope, to deal with it, to find creative ways to not let their reactions hold them hostage.

You, the angry person, the hurt person, have options. You have many options which wise counsels can give you for calming down. You have the choice to move on. You have the free will to think a new strategy. On Tumblr, most of us just ignore a person and realize we cannot change complete strangers.

We can try to be manipulative and controlling, and convince other bloggers that they are to blame for our not coping. But in the end, if you do that, you just make people feel sorry for you. They pity you. And they hope you go and look at the options for dealing with anger and hurt so that something that is inside of you doesn’t get projected and blamed on the whole world.