Posted on March 24, 2013
Father, do you believe someone experiencing same sex attractions, can by the grace of God fall in love with someone of the opposite sex, even if they have never felt any feelings toward the opposite sex?
In certain fundamentalist churches, people are taught that God makes a person fall in love with someone of the opposite sex, while it is a demon inside of a person which makes them have a same sex attraction. Unfortunately, this has led to Protestant “exorcisms” of people with same sex attraction in order to expel the “homo demon” and free them to love properly. In the Catholic Church, we do not believe that people with same sex attraction have demons, nor is it a demon that makes them fall in love with people of the same sex.
I am not sure why, but it does happen that people misdiagnose themselves as being gay or lesbian, when in fact their sexual attractions are far more complicated. That means that, in some cases, a person may have convinced themselves they could only be sexually attracted to a person of the same sex, when actually that was not the case. I know of a friend of mine from college who came out as a lesbian, and had many girlfriends, and then some years later fell in love with a man, got married, had kids, and is still very happily married. When we talk to her about it, she just laughs and says it is complicated.
On the other hand, there are women and men who married the opposite sex only to confess later on that they had fallen in love with another person of the same sex.
When you fall in love with someone of the same sex, or the opposite sex, it is a combination of your mental, psychological, and spiritual outlook and perception, combined with your physical, bodily reaction to being around someone. To answer your question anon, yes, it is possible that after experiencing same sex attractions, you might fall in love with someone of the opposite sex, even if you have never had those feelings toward the opposite sex.
I would not think that happened because of the “grace of God” as if you were a bad person for having same sex attractions. I would think it happened because someone came into your life at a time when your outlook underwent change and they were the catalyst for a whole new phase of love to come into your life.
Some people with same sex attraction undergo various types of therapies to change their perception and outlook and see if they can achieve a different orientation. I do know of a man who was very involved in the LGBT community who underwent such a therapy and later on married a woman and is still happily married.
As you can tell, my mind on this matter is kind of here and there. I have seen the change you describe, and I have also seen people of SSA attempt to undergo these changes, only to wind up very disillusioned and bitter afterwards. So we have to be careful.
The Church does not take a stance on those therapies except to caution people to accept and love who they are regardless of the result of those therapies. Keep that in mind, anon. The Lord loves you, and the Church loves you, as you are. God bless and take care!